The SAHD Experiment

To follow  on from my last post on being at a cross-roads, which (not so) funnily enough I’ve been stuck at for months…

We recently had the wonderful opportunity thrown at us by the Universe to take a test drive down both roads simultaneously. Awesome, yes? But there was a catch. I would be required to return to the paid workforce full time for 3-months, the simultaneous bit meaning that I’d be working 2 part-time roles. The one I already did, plus a higher level role elsewhere within the organisation. This did not merge so well with our parenting ideals. Fortunately, Rob’s employer was going through a slow patch and we were quite concerned whether he would have a job for much longer. Thus, Rob decided to decrease his hours to part time and take over the days I would normally spend at home with our boys. The cherry on top being that he would get an insight into what being a full time carer for small children involved! To be kind to him (okay, I really did it for the boys) I also hired a cleaner so he could spend all day playing cars, dolls, trains and tea parties. I wanted them to have fun!

The first few weeks I was finding full time work manageable. I was enjoying the challenge. We also had a handful of public holidays.. Now, I’m tired. I miss my babies. I miss being able to play all day. I also feel guilty that as the higher wage earner I’m not interested in being the main financial supporter for our family. I have discovered that whilst I thirst for a career and recognition, and that a role like this may not come up again for me, I don’t want it for right now. I want to savor my children whilst they’re babies. I don’t want to get home to my 18month old and be told by someone else what his new words for today were or that my 3.5yr old has been doing up his own buttons for days and I only just noticed. The bittersweet blessing is that Rob feels the opposite. He misses the paid workforce and is finding it much too challenging to spend all day as the sole carer of our children. Some days he’s pushed to the edge by small people that he feels a strong pull to control.

So, I think it’s time to conclude this experiment, go back to the start, and choose a path. Let’s hope its the right one for all of us.